Really good feedback from the group has given me both the feeling that I am near where I want to be on this and at the same time exactly where I need to work on it. I decided to do nothing more on it last night, rather to let it rest. I'll likely take it up again tonight with my notes from yesterday. I'd like to get this to a final draft by Wednesday night's reading at Boarders Books.
An excerpt of the poem Tiananmen Mother follows:
The Beijing breeze whispers/ mournful strophes./ Tears like the mountain rains/
follow slopes// to tributaries until they become one /with the rippling waters of the Yangtze.//