Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Confession Tuesday

Tuesday again. I’m like a kid out of breath, only mostly out of thought. My mind is gasping for contemplation and I don’t even realize the weight on my knees against the kneeler. It’s been a week without much clarity.

What to I have to confess this week? [Long pause]

My mind is in a cloud. I confess that there are many times this week that this has occurred. They usually are times when I’m feeling like I’m in a vacuum. No, not the Hoover, but more like when you have an experiment and you put something in a sealed jar and then you suck the air out of it. Only my mind is the jar and my thoughts have been suffocated. So here I am trying to assess my week in review and my mind is blank.

Oh, there is my self doubt. Yes, I recall having self doubt that creped into my writing during this past week... It was there like a lead weight in my wrist when I lifted my pen. In my fingers as I typed. It was the weight of the low pressure zone preventing the clouds in my head from moving on eastward. Do you ever have these irrational periods of doubt? They didn’t seem irrational at the time, but I know they are because there was something external that triggered a clearing of the doubts from my head. ~0~

I had a number of objectives going into last weekend and I confess I perhaps put too much emphasis on what I hoped to achieve. So much so, that I felt early on that I was not going to have a good weekend. In the end, I confess that I turned that around and used it too my advantage. Deciding not to throw in the towel, but try to salvage as much as I could. I didn’t get as much accomplished as I planned, but surprisingly more than I feared I would, and I still was able to take in a movie with my family. I confess that sometimes I surprise myself and things turn out better. ~0~

I confess that I surprise myself sometimes that in spite of liking language, I can be a pretty visual person. I enjoy seeing and taking pictures. Maybe that is why poetry in particular is the way I like my language; because of the emphasis of imagery. The relational connection between one thing and another and how that all fits together. Yes, when you peel back the layers of me, I confess that image and emotion comprise a good deal of what I am about. ~0~

When people call me and leave me a message to call them back, I confess I do not understand why they think I want to listen to 2 to 3 minutes of music on their voice mail.  I’m not with a record company; I’m not going to discover them or anyone they are featuring. It is ALMOST always the most hideous (and I use the term loosely) music. ~0~

Wow-  I can't believe I flushed all that out.   :) 
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