Confession Tuesday - A Word On Thoughts and Prayers

Dear Reader:

It's been 13 more indictments in the Russia Election Influence investigation by the Special Counsel Robert Mueller, Untold self-injurious tweets by our president,  two more legitimate draft poems and untold musings, mummers, pointless scribbles, one Amazon order, one meeting with my old mentor Ken and an event, and three weeks since my last confession.

You can almost count the passage of time based on your Amazon orders. Well, at least that is true with certain consumable products like our calcium supplement. Not so much books, because they get ordered in spurts.  I'm not sure this is a good thing, but I suppose if I wasn't having it delivered to my door, I'd be driving over town to purchase it.

Time has been skipping along and whistling a happy tune and then, I realize it's only 16 days till AWP. That means I need to get people at work ready to cover my responsibilities. It means I still have to narrow down my schedule for the conference, and at the same time throw myself into a stress frenzy. Oh wait, I confess the stress frenzy has already started. It just seems that time has been flying like a bat out of hell.

The meeting with Ken Waldman came almost as a surprise. We write each other just after the first of the year to catch up with each other. They a week ago I got an email from Ken saying that he signed up to work the Writer 2 Writer booth at AWP at the same time slot I had taken so we could be there together. Then he let me know he was doing an event at a local bookstore if I had time to stop by. I did have time and I did stop by. I confess it was one of those crazy things that came about almost on the spur of the moment. Time always seems full of surprises. Some better than the others.

I finished a Journal I believe I started in September. I confess I'm always excited to get a fresh refill and start again. It's kind of like a cleansing thing. I can step on the floor mat and wipe my feet off before entering the new one. I have untold numbers of journals - I can't quite recall what year I started writing but I know it was before 2000. Maybe this summer I will attempt to arrange them in chronological order.  I still flip through them periodically to get old bits and pieces of writing to bring to the page and try once again to bring some life into them. I confess I don't revisit these as often as I should. Maybe that is something for me to work on this year. After all, how we feel about something we've written sometimes strikes us quite differently a week, six months, three years down the road. This means we can refine it or embellish it to modify where we are going with it.

Lastly, I confess that I am tired of public officials replying to school shootings by saying they are playing for the victims because we all have much more we can do. I'm not against prayer, but if you are not going to offer prayer and commit to taking some positive action to assure efforts to minimize the gun violence will be personally made, your prayers are hollow.

Until next confession, seek joy, be safe & peace!

Confession Tuesday - I know who the moron is, edition.

Dear Reader:

It has been seven weeks since my last confession. These things happen. You get busy, you get tired, you find yourself in a trance, or lost in a poem whose end has not been written yet and you don't know how the hell to get out of it and seven weeks have passed and you are asking forgiveness for being such a lousy confessor.  

I guess seven weeks ago I was marvelling at the sight of the solar eclipse. Today, I confess I'm just happy the sun came up on another day. This causes me to ask a serious of questions that I can't believe I even have to ask... Like:

1. Why do we need a president anyway? 
2. Why is he hell-bent on constantly keeping us on the brink of war?
3. Why has he sold out to a foreign adversary?
4. Why does he coddle Nazis and white supremacists?
5. Why is Trump more immature than the average 4-year-old? 
6. Why is he challenging a cabinet member to an IQ contest to prove who the real moron is? 
7. Why is all this for real and not reality TV?  Why can't we just turn it all off and make it go away?

I have started working with another poet who is mentoring me specifically towards more impactful poetry. So far I believe that there are some positive developments in the way I approach my writing. I confess that it is too early to see the changes I want to achieve but I feel good about it and that is a good starting point. 

I have a reading at the end of this month and I confess that I want to read some new stuff that no one has heard yet. This means reworking several drafts that I have been sitting on. 

Trying to be a better writing steward I have agreed to work with other mentees from our Spring W2W session to help facilitate discussion among the Fall W2W session mentees on Facebook. I confess that I enjoy seeing the excitement that these writers have for their particular genre. I think it's infectious. I believe this is something you would want to catch. 

Ivy Alvarez turned me on to the poet Brigit Pegeen Kelly by introducing me to the poem "Song" I confess this is one of the more powerful poems that I've read for quite a while. 

It turned cooler last night. It's feeling more like October. Oh, and there is fall ball!  While I miss my Giants - I am happy the Indians have played a great season and right now they are tied with NY in the divisional series. Fingers crossed that they win the world series this year, I confess my eyes are crossed too but that may be because I'm especially tired. 

Until next time, be safe and stay sane. Someone has to. 

Confession Tuesday - Poetry Contest - Goals - and Trump in Orange Jumpsuit Edition

Dear Reader:

I've entered one poetry contest, sent out 4 poems, all new (meaning they have never been submitted anywhere else before), concluded Module 6 in the Spring Writer 2 Writer program, and there has been a whole lot of shit happening in Washington since my last confession.

Follow me to the confessional....

Reader, I'm tired. moving does that to you. I'm in cramped quarters and started over putting together a writing studio again. I miss my old one. I miss everything about our home. Contractor is doing stuff there now but it's empty and I confess it looks like it is lonely too. Do you think houses have emotions?

I missed last weeks confession Tuesday because life was happening. A lot of life has been happening lately and it seems to get in the way. Still, I've tried hard to get some focused writing time in over the weekend. Worked on one new poem in particular for many hours over Saturday night and Sunday. I confess that it felt good when I included it in the contest material that I sent out.

I don't enter a lot of contests but this one particular one I've done maybe 3 or 4 times. I think this makes 4. It is sponsored by a Journal that I especially like and it is often featuring  other writers I especially  enjoy reading.

In an email exchange this past week with my mentor Ken Waldman, we talked about  goals, both short term and long term. We have agreed to touch base around the first of January to see how the short term goals are going. I confess that I am really grateful for the opportunity that has been afforded me by AWP in the form of the Writer 2 Writer mentoring program. And as for Ken, I cannot thank him enough.

I hate to take a downward turn now but I confess that I am appalled at the behavior of President Trump.  I confess that  I always had concerns about him being fit for the office but I have to say that his behaviors are embarrassing and he is clueless. His ethics are non existent. He is the most childish person of adult age I have ever seen. He lacks to capacity to be truthful. He has the attention span of flea and has put our nation and democracy at risk in so many ways. He has now obstructed justice and in spite of any finding that collusion with Russia goes as high as him, he is now a candidate for impeachment for trying to derail the investigation by the various law enforcement and national security agencies that are investigating the Russia and Trump campaign connection. I confess that I believe we all will be better off when this man leaves the White House and his many business annexes and enters prison in an orange jumpsuit.

That's it for now... I beg your absolution for going political.

Confession Tuesday - Crying over my Beer

Dear Reader:

It's been one book ordered, zero new books arrived, one nail in the Pickup tire, seven more days of the poetry-a day challenge, one Sunday breakfast out with the family and one week since my last confession.

I'm sitting here working on this with about a half a can of Hamm's beer. You decide if it's half empty or half full.  I'm extra tired tonight and somewhat cranky. I will confess that I am completely caught up on my poem drafts (1 per day) for the month. Just sharing that with you makes me feel slightly more up beat but I'm not going to let it go to my head.

Being cranky is probably to several things of which one is I am pretty wiped out.  This and I still need to send out a bio and a photo tonight for an upcoming event, and the fact that I am just flat out sick and tired of the President who ignores every bit of government ethics and is so cavalier about it and is generally on idiot. Today for example, he raised tariffs on soft lumber imported from Canada. He's already succeeded the Asian rim trade to China by cancelling the TPP. So, now let's start a trade war. I could go on with the Trump stuff that has me upset, but I confess I already dwelling too much on the buffoon.

Had a letter from Ken (my mentor) this week - couple more pieces of work that he has critiqued. I have a nagging question that I need to go to him with today or tomorrow. I confess it will probably wait till tomorrow because I want to make sure that I give it the attention it needs before I e-mail him and I would only  rush it tonight. (We are being honest  here, right)

Tupelo Press is having this fantastic sale on books. Like $16 books for five bucks! I ordered one during the past week that I am anxious to read but it has not arrived. I confess Amazon Prime makes you impatient when ordering elsewhere.

I am officially concerned about my San Francisco Giants....  though they did manage a 2-1 win over the Dodgers last night.  Injuries have taken a toll on this team in addition to some players that  they have lost this season to other teams.

I'm starting to feel like a Debbie Downer so I will close for now and finish crying over  my beer.

Stay Safe & live poetically!

Confession Tuesday- The Giants are Coming Edition

Dear Reader:

It's been one Federal and one State Tax Return filed, one phone call from Ken Waldman my  mentor, and another week of National Poetry Month since my last confession.

Let me get right to the failure at the outset here. I confess that I have fallen behind on my poem a day challenge. This weekend was full of things and you all know how things can get in the day.  Things stack up, things will barricade passage and things will keep you from writing. Damn things!  We picked up my mom and drove her to my uncle's house and had a family  get together with super nice weather. Grilled stakes, got full, sat around and talked about this and that and generally had a good time. Since my uncle Dave doesn't get out much he and my  mom seemed to enjoy the reconnect. But back to my writing....

I confess that I will make up the poems so that I am back on track. I will finish with 30 poems because 30 days has April...  I do not consider this a failure, simply a rerouting on the journey!

Ken and I talked by phone, I guess it was Thursday. talked about some material that he looked at and had emailed me ahead of time. Helpful conversation. I confess that it is hard to believe how fast this spring session is going.

I am excited today. My San Francisco Giants are in town to play the Kansas City Royals tonight and tomorrow night. If you  know me this makes perfect sense. If you are newer to this blog you might wonder why I'm in Kansas City and a Giants fan. I confess that  I have been a Giants fan for some 30 years. I prefer National League baseball. I dislike the DH (though we will be playing  with it these two games because when in Rome do as the Romans do.  Too bad because I would love to see Madison Bumgarner hit. They could pinch hit him tonight... they have don that before.  And yes, my Long Haired Dachshund Madison is named after the pitcher, Thank you!

 Telling you, I still get goosebumps when I see the Giants uniforms in person...

Until next time - be safe and celebrate poetry!

Confession Tuesday - Baseball Edition

Dear Reader:

It's been one winning Giant's home opener, 7 more days of Trumpation (Trump centered frustration) that I just want to go away, the start of module 4 on revision, the long awaited Good Bones episode of  Madam Secretary and and another week since my last confession.

Shall we start?

I'm hyped, no, pumped, ecstatic because tonight is an event at the Plaza Library where UMKC's Hadara Bar-Nadav and University of Central Missouri's Kathryn Nuemberger will speak WHAT MAKES A POEM WORK. needless to say I am planning to go. I confess that  I am familiar with Hadara Bar-Nadav's poetry and she rocks. I'm hoping for an insightful and inspiring evening. This is a week that I need some creative help!

For some time now I have been jealous of those who have workshop writing groups. I've participated in one several years ago that spanned genres and really was not quite at the level that I was hopping for. There is a promising possibility that some from our Writer 2 Writer Spring 2017 mentee group may undertake such a workshop group. Details are in early stage but there is significant interest from the other mentees. I confess that keeping some of the other mentees involved aside from our spring session is an added benefit to creating such a workshop group.

Poem-A-Day Challenge is draining my brain of subject matter. I confess that  I feel like I need something to shock my brain into high gear.

I am excited about the start of baseball season. I have long believed that poetry and baseball were one in the same. The game has all the beauty and grace of the game. I confess that I am a little concerned about  some aspects of my San Francisco Giants. Their bullpen is struggling. It needs to get it's shit together.

Lots of writing and writing related stuff I need to get done between now and the end of the weekend.

That's a wrap for now. Till next time, stay safe, have fun!

Confession Tuesday- 30 Poems-30 Days Edition

Dear Reader:

Hear I am once again at the confessional. It's been almost 2 regular season Giant's games, 2 Baumgarner homers,  4 day of April and 4 poems, one W2W mentee skpye conference chat, The start of module 4, 7 more days of an embarrassing  president, and a week since my last confession.

Reader, I'm 4 days into April and I'm doing it! Four poems, 4 days! Tonight, I worked late to finish but alas I am ready for tomorrow. I confess today I wrote without a prompt. Some days I want a prompt and some days I am just resistant to any prompt I find.  I don't  know why, just is.

I confess that I am elated that  Kansas City approved a bond issue for a new animal shelter tonight. It is so overloaded. While it's sad that only about 10% voted, I'm proud of those who did for supporting it since it required a super-majority to pass.

I am this week dealing with some real real personal crisis and I confess that  one minute it's had to do things and others not so much. Still I confess that I know on any given moment the emotions will be back and darkness crashes down on me.

I have started module 4 of the Writers 2 Writers program this week and the focus is on rewriting. I ended up feeling better at the end of Module 3 and I am anxious and hopeful about  this module.

I confess that I am still in awe of Marie Howe's Magdalene. What a collection of poems. What a book!

Don't ask me why, but I have been craving a Hamm's beer the last couple of days. I don't drink much beer these days. I'm more of a wine drinker and I don't do that much of it either. I can tell you the last time I had a Hamm's Beer was in Minneapolis at the AWP Conference in 2015.

That's it for this week...  Be Safe - Write or at least Read Poetry.

Confession Tuesday - Baseball is coming you cannot deny.

Dear Reader:

It's been one House Intelligence Committee Hearing, two winning games of Canasta with my mom, one episode of Madam Secretary, one trash pickup day,  a Saturday night poetry reading and an hour and a half phone call with my mentor since my last confession.

One of my highlights of any week is watching Madam Secretary.  The plot is always intriguing and grounded with a touch of reality. I give the writers and the actors a lot of credit. Often it will touch on something that we are simultaneously dealing with in the real world. I confess that is doesn't hurt that Tea Leon is Hot!

The proximity of April closing in leaves me with a decision to make. Do I undertake 30 poems in April. One a day? Sometimes I will make a pledge to do this. Sometimes I make it and sometimes I don't. Then starts the guilt. I confess this decision is a lot like the agony over  New Years Resolutions. Sometimes I just  try to take the pressure off by saying I don't need to make a resolution  to try and have a better new year. Just go with it. I've done the same with the Poem -A-Day.  Try, but don't  hold yourself to it... the world does not hinge on 30 poems.  But hey, I've got a couple more days to decide.

I ordered a copy of Marie Howe's new book, Magdalene. Howe is among my favorite poets and I confess that I am most anxious to read this book. It's release date was yesterday and I should have my copy by tomorrow. I Hope!

An hour and a half on the phone this week in a single call with my mentor and the talk revolved around craft, a particular poem draft I had written and poets read & reading. I confess that I have mixed feelings about the conversation.

Baseball season is closing in fast on us. You know those pictures of a space ship docking with another, or even the space station?  That's what it seems like. Going so fast two two will collide, and then in the end, it all looks like it is so soft and precise a fit together. You just  watch and say wow!  I confess I am in a wow mode!

That's it for this week -  Hope you all stay safe and happy...

Confession Tuesday - Corrosive Thought

Dear Reader:

It's been a couple more Trump campaign  links to Russia, a whole bunch of March Hoops, Two contacts with my mentor, a shitload of writing and maybe two promising drafts  and one week since my last confession.

For some reason the word cohesiveness came to me this week. I confess it was like it came out of nowhere and slapped me in the back of the head. So obviously I had it's full attention at this point.
I thought about what  it's like to be corrosive. I pictured a metal platform being eaten away by corrosive elements much the same way an old car will develop rust spots often called car cancer. Then I thought why a platform and I realized I was standing on it. Something clicked in my head and I decided this is what was holding me up... the platform. And to my dismay it was crumbling under me.

Sometimes I question my personal compass. Am I pointed the right direction? Now my fear was, am I standing where I shouldn't be? Am I not on a good platform or foundation for where I hope to be going?

I've written a lot this past week. I've not liked most of what I've written, and that is okay because that is going to happen. But I do get tired of it when this stretches on for some weeks  (which periodically happens) and it has a way of  making me second guess things. I confess that as the Writer 2 Writer module moves to # 3 where we focus on craft, I think maybe I am supposed to be having these self doubts and asking myself questions. Well, I confess it will give me a reason to talk craft with Ken.

On an uplifting note, one day this week I got a book and went out onto the deck and took in the springlike weather with a nice breeze. I read a while and then just listened to the birds and watched the trees in the breeze with their buds coming out.   On another, in early evening looking out westward I observed the sky as a mirage of the painted desert.  I confess life can amaze me even when I'm on the cusp of falling through my platform.

My best to each till next time...
 

Confession Tuesday - Find Your Tribe Edition

Dear Reader:

It's been one snow, one melt, one writer group meeting, One Writer's Chronicle with so many great articles, numerous poetry drafts and two finished poems, and one week since my last confession.

As a point of reference, the AWP Writer 2 Writer program that I am working in has started its second module. This is significant because it will have some bearing on my  confessions.  The focus of the second module is Community and Connections.

As long as we are being honest, I will confess that I have been looking for a writing tribe for many years. I'm not proud of this fact and I will attribute to the fact that I'm not  totally sure what I want. That's just a bit  embarrassing to me. How do you go for years and want something but  are not quite sure what it is and how to find it.

When I first recall hearing talk of your writing tribe it was from someone I greatly respect as a writer. I way have heard it elsewhere but  this was when it first sunk in. I think that is because again it was someone I respected and also because they made a point of making it seem really important. Find your tribe....  that's what I recall hearing.

This person who was imparting such wisdom has a significant social media presence. What I have gleaned over the years is that at minimum, their time works something like this...

• They share each other's ups and downs - or I guess you could say they provide comfort and support.
• They will at times discuss craft.
• Keep others informed of events, publications, and opportunities. 
• From time to time they  may share writing prompts and on occasion two or more will get together for a day or an afternoon and write together. 
• I think  but am not certain that they may from time to time share drafts for comment/work-shopping 

Now what writer doesn't want to be a part of something like that?

Presently I get together with other local writers once a month  locally and have done this for numerous years. These are good friends and I enjoy the meetings, but I confess that it is not a group that works well for work-shopping material.  Few of them submit work to journals. They are always way to kind - so the objectiveness that comes with working to improve a draft - getting that good ear that can tell you if something is working on some level or not. 

In the 2nd module of Writer 2 Writer (W2W) some of us have been talking a little about  community and connecting with others. My own mentor is not a social media person. That said he has over the years made many (to the power of several many) contacts basically the old fashioned way. Personal contact, phone, email, snail mail. He is on the road constantly. He makes a living  full time as both a poet and a musician. It's impressive, but I am a creature of social media. 

I confess that I really want a tribe that  does many of the things I have described above. But I could modify that. for example if there were people geographically beyond my area, short of getting together from time to time to write - the rest of this could be achieved. 

I would agree that I believe every writer should have a tribe. The reason is simple. Writing is by it's very nature a solitary experience. We work hard in our own space, me it quiet or with a music play list or background noise at a coffee shop, but  we really are withdrawn unto our selves. When we are done, we then put our vary private selves out into the public. First to find publication which may lead to rejection but even beyond that we are putting ourselves out in a very vulnerable way. I confess that to me personally, that leads even the introverted me to want to move beyond my solitude and be with others briefly until it is time to withdraw, recharge, and create again. 

So here I am... That's were I'm at. I've solved nothing  except perhaps flushed out kind of what I feel as a writer I need or at least want. But I confess I think it really is more of a need. 

Until next week~

peace, love & be safe

Confession Tuesday - Late Edition

Dear Reader:

It's been numerous poetry drafts, 4 close to finished, two contacts with my mentor, another book read, 8 more days of that idiot as president, another missile launch by North Korea, and a week and one day since my last confession.

I confess that life is crazy. It's sad, it's frustrating, it's painful, and it's beautiful. The latter is what keeps me going.

I confess that I'm a day late with my confession but that's better than missing it for several weeks. Therefore I'll call it an improvement. I'll also just pretend that today is still Tuesday.

Are you writing more now but enjoying it less? I've written a lot  lately and maybe not enjoying it is not exactly the correct assessment but  truly I've not been ecstatic about the results. I'm getting some keepers but a lot of static as well. I confess that I'm wanting more keepers and much better keepers.

I've had two contacts with my mentor in the past eight days including one yesterday where I had some feedback on writing. We are moving into a new module this week and the focus is changing to Community and Connections. I'm anxious to interact with Ken on this topic because I feel like it is an important one and I confess it is one I feel somewhat inadequate about. I know Ken is not much into social media but he is a hands on person to person contact sort of guy. Exploring this will Ken I suspect will have some challenges because of his absence from social media. We'll see how it goes.

Another 8 days and we still have the idiot in the White House, or he may be playing golf. He does that a lot. Go figure he used to give Obama hell whenever Obama played. If he's not playing golf then he's tweeting. He's definitely our Commander-in-Tweet. He tweets some of the stupidest things.  He also uses it as an extension to his lying and makes him look like a fool.  North Korea lobbed some more missiles into the sea in Japanese water and he is so clueless.  His administration is so stalled up in it's own ineptness and unending string of ties to Russia that are resulting in numerous investigations. I confess I see no end of this in sight.

I seek and am finding things of beauty in this world. Sometimes you have to look hard but they are there. People helping people. Animals around us. Art people are making. My wife is working on an extraordinary beaded neckless with Tigers Eye.  I confess I will continue to seek good, beauty and art in the week ahead.

Until next time, enjoy each day!

Confession Tuesday - Writer 2 Writer Edition

Dear Reader: It's been one a round trip to Washington DC,  more days and nights of anguish over the state of America than I care to count or admit, one AWP Conference, one Rhino Reading and 6 weeks since my last confession.

Please follow me to the confessional....

Reader a lot has happened since my last confession. I confess some good and some not so good.

As I write this tonight I have concluded watching Trump's speech before a joint session of Congress. Yes, I confess I watched it. I also confess that he delivered the speech in pretty respectable form. That is to say that he was more presidential that  we are accustomed to seeing. I believe he came in to this with a pretty low bar and in fact preformed above that bar. That said, he did not woo me with substance. It is clear that his replacement for the ACA, if up to him would not have an individual mandate. This means it is unlikely to provide affordable insurance for those most in need of help. This returns us to a nation where health care is not a right but a privileged.  This is unacceptable,

I won't hammer away at every disagreeable position but I will say that  I believe his budget numbers will be tremendously flawed. I remain concerned about a trade war and he simply is not going to bring back hoards of manufacturing jobs. The misconception is these have all gone overseas. Some yes, but the bulk of job losses in manufacturing are due to automation.That is a reality that is not going to change.  I could go on, but I confess that is not what my focus is tonight.

I confess I remain concerned about the Russia - Trump connection and believe it needs to be fully investigated.

I confess that the AWP17 conference was exciting and draining and that is nothing new. My one previous conference was 2015 in Minneapolis and it too had those components.

Some highlights if the conference were meeting Shaindel Beers one of my favorite poets and one of my 2016 Poet Crush List members, and meeting Martha Silano another extraordinary poet.

There was another part of the conference that  is worth mentioning. Over a period of time I have applied on six occasions for the AWP Writer 2 Writer mentoring program. (I'm nothing if I am not resistant) and I learned a couple days before the conference that I was one of 25 writers chosen out of 400 applications for this session.  I confess that I have wanted this for so long and it has in fact been hard to believe that  it finally happened.

I have been matched with another poet, Ken Waldman and Ken and I were both at the conference and we therefor made certain that we met face to face.

The Writer 2 Writer program is a open to members of AWP.  There is an application process and I believe it is just one of many positive benefits available to writer who are members.  I am just now in the second week of the program and I plan update readers on the experience as I make my way through it. But for tonight, let's just say there has been something good to come out of 2017 already.

Best to all of you & talk to you again soon.