Confession Tuesday - from the Shadow

Dear Reader:

It has been one month and 3 days since my last confession. One very long month.  In that time COVID 19 deaths nationwide topped 60,000. Now we are at 104,398.  We are at 773 deaths statewide in Missouri. 

On my last confession, George Floyd was still alive and certainly not a household name. 

On my last confession day, many business establishments around the country were closed down or open to customers under very controlled conditions.  In some cities those same businesses are boarded up, may have burned are spray-painted with graffiti.

I confess that I feel like we are in the shadows right now. I'm not sure if the shadows or the sunlight are a better place to be.

I feel like the shadows kind of protect us. Cater to our innocence, if we still have any.  On the other hand, the sunlight is bright and allows us to see everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I confess that the death of George Floyd was both bad and ugly. It was one of the most gut-wrenching videos I have ever watched. I was sickened. I was angry. I wanted to confront the officers involved and stop them, but we all know that would not have gone well.

I confess that the light shined on this event has had a good side. It had allowed the education of many to what blacks in this country endure routinely. The outpouring into the streets around this country has been a part of a healing process. There has been a beauty to it.  In some instances black people embracing police officers - some standing hand in hand together making a statement that what happened is not acceptable, and we as a country can do better than this.

There is a bitter pill in all this. The people that have taken to destroying property are hurting our country that was already struggling with COVID 19 impact.  These people, do not honor the life of George Floyd. They do nothing to advance the cause of racial harmony. I think some of them may have ulterior motives, but at a minimum, they are not a part of the protest.

I'd like to say that I have positive vibes. Hope, that this will advance the cause of dialogue, and of that conversation, a greater understanding and mutual love and respect will emerge.

I have put a lot of words on pages during this. But sometimes the words don't quite flow easily. Sometimes they are heaped in pile behind a damn that holds them back for fear that they will not be the right words. They will not adequately hold the truths that are needed. That they will fall short like our efforts have done so often all these years.

I confess that  I love our country that I am in love with the idea of our democracy. But I confess that we have not always lived up to what our Declaration of Independence calls us to.  It's a journey and we must all walk that journey together.

Until next time, peace!

Remember - stay safe. COVID-19 is just as real a threat today as it was a month ago.

Don't Come Any Closer - Here, Have Some Virtual Love - X O

These are difficult times for us all.  Social Distancing, don't touch your face,  wash your hands while singing Happy Birthday (I've gravitated to Africa by Toto), stay home, and only essential worker go to work.

I fall into an in-between category.  Our office is having us work from home and therefor I am 90% at home.  My work is essential, but can be accomplished at home except for periodic court hearing. Those I go to the courthouse for. It's like a ghost town. Court hearings are generally with about 5 to 7 people. The respondent is on a Polycom along with other testifying witnesses.  These could occur daily, but tend to be a couple to three days a week. Sometimes there are more than one on a given day. So, I am otherwise sheltering at home.

I have had more time to write, to read, and binge watch Homeland.  Claire Danes and Mandy Patinkin are phenomenal actors. I haven't binge watched anything in several years.

There has been more time to think as well. That includes paranoid thoughts about Covid-19.  About after the curve is flattened, how many people will still be contagious and for how long. I for one don't see this danger ending for months not weeks.

Having more time to think is positive only if I can expand my thinking in positive and creative ways. I try to note things in particular that could be incorporated into my writing.  In regular real life, it is not uncommon for me to let significant but fleeting thoughts pass on to wherever such neurons go to die.

Social media has done two things in these times. It has allowed us to stay connected while we are apart. It has also made such interaction seem at times a little more intrusive. Online, everybody is there.  On balance the scale tips more to the good than the bad.

I see people (poets I know that do some collaborative or group writing.  There is a part of me that is jealous, and I'm not one to see jealousy in a positive light, so I don't want to be that poet.  There are a couple of people I may touch base with and see if they would like to meet on Facetime or Skype. It's a thought.

A concern I have is for the most vulnerable of people. Person on the street.  Persons who live alone but may still get out and about. Persons who could retreat inside and succumb to the illness and have no one checking on them.  I too am concerned for those who trot off to church totally ignoring social distancing in the belief that they are safe by the blood of Jesus.  I can applaud their faith but not  their actions. God gave us a brain and I'm pretty sure he counted on us using it.

Covid-19 will be talked about, written about, and debated about for a long time. Some have suggested it to be on the scale of 9-11. I have considered this, but we have passed the deaths attributed to the Twin Towers attack. Additionally, this is international. Its impact is going to be far and wide. I could not bring myself to write a 9-11 poem for years.  I wrote a Covid-19 poem that has already been accepted.  There will be anthologies as there were for Katrina.  I'd like to see one to raise money to help in some way.  It just seems like a poet thing to do.