At the Same Time

"Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time." ~ Thomas Merton

I am but a lost and found box
in which I am constantly
reappearing like the stray cat at your door.

Even I fail at times
the test of recognizing
the sad clown of suppressed laughter

or the Angry tiger barb in a bowl
with no other fish to dine on.
Who are these characters I ask...

and in the smoke that clears
is the pretext for lust of three car garages,
swimming pools, a wife and 2.3 children
by the proletariat.

Anger wrapped in swaddling clothes
and a Molotov cocktail in my hip pocket-
Jesus am I adequately confused yet?

You can see my self portrait
in black velvet paintings
for sale in a Love and Peace van
at the 66 station on 8th and Hamilton.

At the botton of a fishing hole - on a chain and cender block

Last night, our local poetry society chapter celebrated Missouri's rich poetic heritage by reading from poets with Missouri connections, both living and deceased.

Then, later I put a poem in its second draft out of misery. I may steal a line from it for something else, but otherwise it is in the bottom of some Missouri fishing hole.

Quote of the Day

"I am not only a pacifist but a militant pacifist. I am willing to fight for peace. Nothing will end war unless the people themselves refuse to go to war." ~ Albert Einstine

Gratitude

This time of the year always seems ripe for gratitude. Maybe it's the coming of Thanksgiving, but I suspect it is a deeper rooted internal thing that perhaps comes with the end of summer and seeing changes occur. A passage from the green of summer to the multiplicity of fall colors remind us that things can and do change. Could it be that the abundance of change around us reminds us that those things which we appreciate can be delicate in their very existence?

At any event, I felt an overwhelming desire to make note of a few things that I feel a true gratitude for. Some are small things, some are much more significant and as such the order of their mention here has nothing to do with the level of significance from one to another.

• an occasional glass of Chardonnay
• a good nights rest
• the clasp of my wife's hand when walking together
• the Fire Red Oaks in our back yard in fall
• a bite of dark chocolate
• a call or text message from the kids during the day
• my wife's voice on the phone in the middle of a busy day
• white - sweet bread
• a book of poetry within reach
• Clairton - D when needed
• a taste of honey
• the smell of Brazilian Nut Butter
• NPR radio
• every single day of the baseball season
• a/c in the car
• a fountain pen
• paper to write on
• a furry four legged friend
• hair on my head

Giving Up - a memoir

I've finished reading Giving Up - The Last Days of Sylvia Plath by Jillian Becker. This small memoir now joins the dozens of biographical books and essays I have read about Sylvia and Ted.

This book is quite small. It need not be extensive because Jillian's contact with Sylvia was indeed short and the book only relates to that short period of days prior to Sylvia's death, when she sought refuge for her children from her distressed state with Jillian and Gerry Becker.

Much of what I read is merely another historical account of those days. As far as new perspective, it provides little, but perhaps a tad closer look Sylvia from a first hand perspective.

The most interesting things are:

• Jillian's assessment that Dido Merwin truly could not stand Sylvia but was quite fond of Ted and saw him as an equal in stature to his husband Bill. This is not surprising, as the tone of this is set in the Anne Stevenson book "Better Fame." I suppose it was nice hearing someone else say what I believed I has surly not mistaken in reading Stevenson's biographical account.
• Jillian's view that Sylvia had perhaps lost her passion for poetry at the end. This based on the fact that she was critical of Sylvia's last poems and thought them to be doggerel rhythms that seemed to stamp on the grave of poetry. She may not have liked Sylvia's poems, but the ones on question are among Sylvia's most powerful and passionate works. Once she was finished with them, perhaps she might have been drained emotionally, but It is hard for me to consider them a sign of a loss of passion. They are full of it!
• Jillian Becker expressions about her own emotional response to Sylvia's life and death are expressed in heartfelt terms. She truly was in a unique position those final days, and some have perhaps suggested that she and Gerry (as well as others) could have and should have done more to save her. Her response to these suggestions is very reasonable. They may have kept Sylvia alive a few extra days, but they did not have the power to change the many external issues that added to Sylvia's issues. Jillian herself describes herself as a poet (though a humble one by the company she kept) and one addicted to poetry. She says she grew out of that addiction due at least in part to the painful involvement in the lives of poets. (Ted, Sylvia, Assia & her husband - perhaps others with which she was acquainted with)
• It was noted that Sylvia left no suicide note. Not new information, but she reminded readers that the final poems she left would have been painfully clear to Ted if no one else.
• The issue Jillian took with Ted's poem Dreamers, which she calls sickeningly anti-Semitic and the explanation she offered.
• The fact that while Jillian and Gerry were present at Sylvia's funeral, there is no mention of the mystery man (mentioned in other accounts) in her account of those in attendance.
• Taking issue with Sylvia's iconic stature by the feminist movement.

These are what I found most notable among pages (roughly 75) of the short memoir which is now a part of extensive Plath biographical reads.

Dark Rich Friday Nite

Got a jump on the extended holiday weekend when I we shut down about three. I finished the project I was into and was gone by 3:20 and surprised my wife at her office - we got an early start to the evening. A dinner date at the Bronx and followed with a visit to Christopher Elbow - artisanal Chocolate. [Click Here]

Cathy and I both enjoyed dark chocolate drinks - Mine was Dark Chocolate Citrus and and Cath had Dark Chocolate Hazelnut. Yum!!! It's such an awesome place! They have some of the coolest chocolate art designs . You West coast peeps.... they have one opening in San Francisco next month.

That's it for tonight.... except a word from T.S. Eliot - "The most important thing for poets to do is to write as little as possible."

E-Commerce News: Privacy: AT&T Tech Paints Stark Picture of NSA Telecom Spying

Ask your Senator and Congressman Why AT&T and others should be granted Amnesty or Immunity from prosecution for violating your right to privacy without due process?

E-Commerce News: Privacy: AT&T Tech Paints Stark Picture of NSA Telecom Spying: "By Chris Maxcer E-Commerce Times 11/07/07 1:33 PM PT Mark Klein, a former employee of AT&T who has rallied against the telecom giant for its part in assisting the NSA in spying on Americans' communications, is visiting Washington to convince lawmakers not to let telecoms off the hook when it comes to lawsuits. Klein said he was privy to a secret NSA room in an AT&T facility which acted as a repository of secret data."