The Mag 158: All Is Spilled

Photo by TheFoxAndTheRaven

All is spilled

There is nothing more

I romanticize. Not bath

nor sleep. Not the ache 

of empty night. 

The voices are of no comfort.

They press me awake endless hours

Is this an inquisition? 

Must I answer? I am pulverized, 

strained through a cauldron 

of one sided talk-

I look to my wrist

I look for answers

I look, I look...

Michael A. Wells

The Mag 158

  

Talking to Poems

So it's Friday night and what are you doing?

Me, I'm transitioning from Diet Coke to Chardonnay.  I've been working for several hours on a poem and our conversation had grown old and tiring so I've stopped for now.

Do you talk to your poems? Ok, more specifically your poems in progress. Drafts. First drafts, second drafts, twenty third drafts?

My conversation with this evening's poem-in-making has started out asking  a single line where it would like to go. It said take me to the other side of what you just said. So I said ok and abridged. I asked what will we do after we've contradicted our opening line. I go no response. (sipping wine) I don't know about you but when I ask a direct question of a poem-in-making I expect at least that it will clear it's throat and appear to be thinking of a reply. I was about to repeat the question when it said you assume too much.

I'm not sure how I feel about a poem - especially one in the making assuming it knows what I'm assuming. I thought it important at this point to make it clear that I had no preconceived notions about where this poem was going. It quickly shot back, "Good!"

I studied my words on the page.  Flipped a stanza. Cut some words. Another "Good" arose from the page. "You approve then?" I asked. I was told yes, but for the time being. I thought about moving the opening line to another location in the poem. Cautiously I was told that was worth considering, but encouraged to consider too making the opening line the title of the poem instead. I said I'd keep that in mind.

My head is spinning at this point and I suggested that I really thought it might me time to step back and let this all rest upon the page a while. Maybe overnight. There was a sigh...  "No offense, but working with you can be tiring."  I responded, "Oh, you think so?" and I saved the work in progress.

Confession Tuesday

It's Tuesday and I'm moving slowly to the confessional because it's been the kind of day and evening where I'm not to certain it's good to put too much stock in my forward motion. But I'm here so let's get started.

Dear Reader:

I confess that there have been a couple nights this past week where I've come home and pretty much blown off the evening. This is easy to do if I've had a particularly crazy day at work. Actually today would be a good example. A day when you are just beaten down with work and after a full day of it feel you have not made any headway against your work load. It's days like that I come home - do the minimal I need to do, then crash and burn. Don't like it when I'm like this - looking to break from this, find a way to slowly unwind and then do something productive. 

For several years now I have observed the annual anticipation of, the hoop-la and the afterglow of AWP. I must insert for the record that the observation has all been from afar. I've not been to AWP. I've seen people rave about the contact with other writers that they might not have met otherwise. They talk about great panel discussions, swoon over treasure troves of books and of course there are the readings.  Occasionally I have read blog posts or Facebook post from those who start by indicating they are not going to AWP this year and then in some silly and demeaning way poke fun at the conformance. I confess I have chuckled as I have read through some of these pieces, yet I wonder if the writer is not really just using humor to mask disappointment for not being there.  I confess that I'm intrigued by what I have heard of the conformance and     

yes a bit jealous of those attending. 

I confess the return of sunlight after all our snow has been uplifting. I confess that we still have mountains of snow and that the sunlight on it is blinding, but I was going blind from the abundance of white everywhere anyway. 

I confess that I'm ready for Spring. 

Amen.

The Planning Poet

Friday and Saturday I did some writing and was pleased with the progress. Tonight I've taken another route. Tonight I'm the Planning Poet. I've spent time scouring the various venues for publication with concentration on submissions for the next 90 days. I'm identifying who I want to submit to and matching my calendar with their reading periods.

One thing I'm being is realistic. I'm not trying to send work to 10 places in one weekend. First, I want to be able to stay on a steady work schedule. The last thing I want to do is set myself up for failure from the start.

Knowing at the beginning of one week what publication I am focusing on that coming weekend allows me time for quality forethought to each submission package.

I've gone crazy cranking out submissions in the past like all in one weekend and they instantly cold for months. It's no secret, I said it many times before, I dislike the process of submitting work. Still, I'm well aware that it's all part of the process. Unless I'm just going to write and throw all my work in a trunk and forget about it, then I need to get real about my commitment to the whole process.

By the end of May, I'll let you know how this is all working out for me.

Confession Tuesday - Recklessness and Poetry Edition

Welcome to the confessional  - I'm just about to start...

Dear Friends:

It's been a week and maybe 17 inches since my last confession.

I confess that if it's Tuesday, I'm confused. Or Snow Blind, or both!  Confused because due to a big storm that dumped maybe about 11 inches (give or take) on us last Thursday - I ended up with a 4 day weekend when they shut down work.  I go to work Monday but another winter storm advisory for Monday -Tuesday caused them to shut down again today.  The conditions this morning were complicated by a mixture of sleet and snow. It looks like about another 6 inches on top of the previously 11. All of this change in work routine complicates my cognitive view of the  calendar.

There was a very nice man that helped free my car on Thursday when I drove back from the office only 40 minutes after arriving when they shut everything down. I don't know his name but thank you!

I confess that if we have to shovel the drive for any additional snow, I have no clue where to put it. It's stacked out front about as high as it can go.

Normalcy is now abnormal and it is challenging in ways I'd never imagined. It's easy to feel stir crazy inside, but it seems so white every which way you look that everything outside looks the same so it's hard to feel there is much deviation inside or out.

I confess that Monday at the office it became clear that snow was not the only thing piling up. So were phone messages and work. I confess that it is to the point that being away from the office is not relaxing but stressful because at some point I will have to deal with what I can only imagine is a dam breaking and the work flooding everywhere.

Sunday I had the marvelous experience of auditing a Dean Young Master Class at UMKC. I confess that I am even more impressed with Dean Young then I was before and he had already been on my radar. What I found Sunday was that his whole view of poetry so fits into my own concept but he is able to articulate what that is far better then I have been able to.

I also had reservations to attend his reading/New Letters interview Monday night at the Library.  Even as they were telling us mid-day that the impending storm was going to be severe enough that they would already shut down the offices the next day, I hoped that the evening weather would relent. I hoped that the Library would not cancel the event.  I stayed in town at 5:00 instead of heading home. I checked with the library and they were closing the library at 7PM but the Dean Young event would go on. So with reckless abandon I chose to risk it and go to the event. By the grace of God the sky that looked so ominous held off until the event was over and I pulled into our drive. The the sleet came, then the snow.

I confess that I now have to read The Art of Recklessness: Poetry as Assertive Force and Contradiction.     

I confess that I am trying not to think about the mountain of work growing at the office, but I think I can actually hear it and it's hard to ignore.

Really Good Weekend

Yesterday and today I had some really good karma going on or something because some pieces that I have been working on really started to come together.  Other upbeat things to report....

• Audited a Master Class taught by Dean Young. It was both a thrill and a real learning experience.
• Yesterday I got some submissions out that I've procrastinated over. 
• Surprise of the afternoon, Dana Guthrie Martin was at the master class and she recognized me and introduced herself. 

And Tomorrow:

Dean Young will be reading and doing a live interview for New Letters on the Air tomorrow night at the Plaza Branch Public Library at 6:30.  Call the Library 816-701-3407 for reservations.  There is a 6:00 reception prior to the event. 

Confession Tuesday

Dear Reader:

It's Tuesday. Again. I think. Three day weekends mess me up big time. Having Monday off (making a three day weekend) only makes me long for more days off.  So, I confess that I really wanted today to be Friday. REALLY badly.

But of course today is only Tuesday and so here I am again shamefully acknowledging I'd rather frolic tomorrow, or quite frankly do nothing. That would be fine by me.  Nothing seems easier for me to contemplate then at times in the past. I always think my weekends or any day off needs to be filled with things to do that I am not doing because I'm at work. I'm finding that I really am all right with down time. I confess this is a big deal for me. I think it's a positive thing. It says to me that I am getting better about the whole idea of relaxing and not worrying so much about my life slipping away. That has been a difficult trepidation for me throughout most of my life. I don't think I'm over it, but this little positive sign I will claim as a victory for now.

Maybe I can attribute some of it to the 6 weeks I've been doing the Artist's Way program. It's really the only thing that I can think of that would have impacted my mindset on this. If this is the case, I'm optimistic that the final 6 weeks of the program will have other breakthroughs in store for me.

I've been trying this Lent to be observant of the positive in others. This is also a constant reminder that I need to be vigilant in my own positivities. (I think I just made up a word)  Maybe I mean positiveness but I kind of like positivities better. Tonight I was driving home from the office and had agreed that I would try to get home swiftly as possible because my wife wanted to go check on her mother and didn't want to be out too late. But of course this would be a night in which there was a rush hour accident on Interstate 70. I confess that I caught myself getting annoyed at other drivers who were not attentive to the traffic flow. Right there in the car I had a smack down with myself about my righteous attitude. But at least I did a quick mid-course correction and got myself back on the right track. My Lenten GPS system did it's job.

Well, I've spent another Tuesday evening Confession session with you. That's all I've got. Hope your week stays sunny-side up!