Confession Tuesday July 19, 2022

Dear Readers: 

It has been six days since my last confession.   Hurry along to the confessional and let's get started. 

Reader-- 

I confess this has been a hard week. It's been a week with a lot of demands and I have tried to remain true to them. From school and school work to writing, to try to help another, but alas I have realized I am not magical or all-powerful. I am human and I have had limited success. Further, I am disappointed in my overall results. This is a self-disappointment, plain and simple. 

Tonight, I listen to the news and am admittedly. angry.  The Secret Service says they deleted text messages on Jan 5 and 6, 2021.  This is only the most significant two days in recent American history.  Plus their story has changed over and over.  All agents working those two days need to sit and testify under oath before the Jan 6 Committee. 

I'm happy to say that it seems my month of Grind poems has been going better this month. I confess it should be automatic by now. 

There are at least one, maybe two poetry books coming out that I must have. They need to be worked into my anaemic budget.

Yes, raising my hand, I confess I am eating Sweet Cherry Peppers....  for dinner?  Maybe. 

Let me leave you with these words by Yeats... "For the saint and the poet alike... make excess even more excessive."

Stay safe, and read daily...

 

Journaling Series #3 "Journal Bits"

 To continue my series on journaling I wanted to give you a bit of a flavor for things a writer might journal about. This of course could be an exhaustive topic, but I am going to provide you with just a small example of what a normal day of journaling might be like.

Of course, if I were working on a special project I might want to focus on that, but this will be an example of just a random day...

I Will Call This Journal Bits

• Random words coming to my mind today in no order of importance... colonial, fixture, orgasm, penance, toxicology, embrace, melon, placard, and widget.  (I have no idea what these say about me, perhaps you can tell me)  Note: any or all could appear in my writing over the next few days.
• My day has been busy with school work and I am proud to say that I have stayed on schedule.
• Random Thoughts - Sylvia Plath has as many issues with her mother, as she did with her father.  💥  When I think of T.S. Eliot, I automatically think of him as old before I even think of how extraordinary he was as a poet. 💥  I think of the dash "-" each time I think of Emily Dickinson. 
• There are things that could happen to make this day better. I'm just saying.
• Is there an Acceptance Letter around the corner? Yes? No? Maybe so? 
• Quote from a book... "I am a natural, free-ranging milk-fed girl.   SO wholesome." Arielle Greenberg, I Live In The Country & other dirty poems. Four Way Books. 2020
• Donald Hall, journaling...  "Reading Ruth Stone's poems, wonderful with that ending zag which is unpredictable, exact, repeated, yet it never becomes mannered."
• From the Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath:  "Everything is the same but different." Paradox again. Two mutually exclusive and contradictory adjectives are applied to the same universe. And this phrase is again a unique insight into the repetitious and varied universe man has woken up in and begun to work transforming into something he can call his own. We are all men but as different as we are similar - as opposite as we are alike.
• AND This: Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman STILL  has blood on his hands.  Sandis have a horrendous record on human rights. Especially for Women. 

Confession Tuesday on Wednesday

Dear Reader:

I confess that I am late. This would not be the first time you have heard this from me and I'm sure it won't be the last.  Last night when I arrived home from class, I had to finish my Grind poem and a couple other essential obligations and the clock just would not let me do this, so here I am tonight.

I confess I will lead off with good news tonight.  Ada Limón was named our new Poet Laureate of the United States.  A very deserving choice. I had the occasion the meet Ada once at a reading in Lawrence, Kansas. One of my favorite poems of her's at the time was Sharks in the River.  Not one of her best pieces but a fun one never less.   Her 2015 book Bright Dead Things seemed to be a turning point in her work and I knew that there would be bright days ahead for her and her poetry.

Ada deserves this, but what's more, America will be enriched by a greater awareness of her poetry. 

Today was a rough day at the office and I admit I am tired. But here I am confessing to you that life after work goes on. 

I am also happy to report that I am feeling happier than not about school. It is a big change to my evenings, but I feel so far that I've been doing what I need to and that is a good feeling.

I confess I am ready any day now for an acceptance letter or two or three. Come on, I'm overdue. 

I am a little disappointed in my Giants. They have gone through a rough patch. Mid-season and they need to turn themselves around. 

My Essay on Plato is due in two weeks. It's coming along. I may take a break from it tonight. 

I confess I believe in miracles. 

My overall mood today is best described as tired and reserved.  Not a bad mood but could improve. I'm not complaining, just hoping for some good news.

Until next time, stay safe, and may happiness find you. 

Confession Tuesday 7-05-22

Dear Reader:

It has been 13 days since my last confession. I have a lot to make up for, so follow me to the Confessional, please. 

If it's Tuesday it should be class night. Instead of class, I had a conference with my professor. Not a conference like I did something bad, but I'm sure somewhere along the line I have, but a conference to go over my big project of the semester. My last essay. 

I arrived slightly early as I confess I was nervous and sort of felt lost. Not. in the building pictured above right, there is not that much to get lost in there. No, I was lost in what I was doing there.  Yes, I had a vague idea. I was supposed to go over where I was at on the project. He asked me to refresh his mind on what I was doing in general terms. 

Plato - in his view can one be happy in life without eros?  In general, Plato seems to rank beauty and love very high in his order of life. I'm certain that Plato would not like one to speak in general terms, nor does he like sensibility. The ladder seems to defy making any sense. 

I won't write the essay here, I hope to only do it once, but my professor was almost giddy over the things I brought up, both in observations of Plato and Socrates and some of the questions I will raise concerning the application of Plato's theories in today's world.

I walked out of the classroom feeling. happy that I was apparently on the right track. 

So, the building above is the Liberal Arts building on the Longview Campus. I confess that my mind got the best of me and was thinking if I were going to Liberty University back in Virginia, would my class be in the Conservative Arts building instead.  The University was I believe founded by the late Jerry Falwell, which should tell you a lot about it.  (insert laugh here)

I confess today was a bag of mixed goods. There were some good things about my day and some things that were just so-so. A little in the feeling down mode, but overall, it was a decent day I guess. 

I confess I am extremely tired of shootings. More people are growing angry at the gun violence in this nation. They are not shy above their anger either. The problem is accelerating. More guns in the community are not the answer. It's like throwing gas on a fire. 

I confess that I have been trying to practice calm more often. I'm getting better at it, not perfect but with some prompting, I have made headway. 

I confess that I am so happy for Silas that he got his cone off this weekend.  Poor baby is recovering from a torn ACL. 

Still cranking out poetry submissions. Still waiting for some journals I really want in. I confess is have a list of them I keep in my head. 

That's it for today's confession  - Until next time - be safe and enjoy life. 

 

Journaling series - post #2

 In my first post, I talked about  Lochby journals.  This is my newest baby - The Pocket Journal in - Blue.  I selected this with a gift card for father's day and different from the regular field journal in size and capacity.

Obviously much smaller, it will accommodate only two refills at a time. The Dot Matrics, Ruled, and Unruled paper is available. They do not make a calender for this size.

WHAT DO I USE MY JOURNALS FOR?

The larger one shown here is my calendar and my journal and writing catch-all. 

That includes:

• quotes I want to remember
• notes about school assignments
• notes related to work
• daily journaling
• thoughts that come to me and may find their way into my poems
• drafts that I am working on before I take them to my laptop

That is what my larger journal is for.  The smaller one is in an experimental stage presently.

I think it will get carried around a lot and will be used for ideas or catchphrases I want to be able to recall.  Things that later may find their way into my writing, 

What I am sharing with you is how I operate. There is no right or wrong way to use these tools.  Just as there is no right or wrong way to approach journaling.  But that is part #3,

and you will have to come back for that post. 

Journaling - My Lochby Obsession

 If you know me, you surely are aware that I have been journalling for a number of years. Personally, I'm not able to understand what writer can possibly get by without it. 

One of my daughters turned me on to the Lochby brand journals. This rugged-looking  Waxed Canvass Journal sheds water and will accommodate up to six inserts.  Calendar, ruled paper, unruled pages, and dot matrix paper.

The paper is quality stuff. At times I write with a fountain pen and the link lays down superbly and does not bleed through.

Pictured here is the brown Journal. I also have a roll-up pen/utility EDC kit. It allows me to carry a variety of writing instruments and have them always handy.  I will feature the roll-up in a separate post.

I also acquired just this week the Pocket Journal. Smaller and holds only two inserts. The same inserts minus the calendar are available for this. I will unveil this item in my next post.

Over the years I have used a variety of journals.  I have a couple of nice leather-bound journal holders.  I also have bullet journaled for maybe 3 or more years now. That is a whole different practice but would certainly work with one of these journals as well. 

I will talk about all of these things in upcoming posts. 

The whole line of Lochby products can be found here  LOCHBY

Confession Tuesday on Thursday

 Dear reader:

I confess that I thought I was a day late for confession Tuesday. That would be 2 days late.

This morning I arrived at work and settled in for two 9:00 AM hearings. One ended up being withdrawn and by the time we finished the second one, we spent more time than I would have anticipated if we had done both.  It was painfully slow and draining.  As a result, the whole day felt like it was in slow motion. 

BASEBALL TAROT CARDS:

My sister, Kelly. called me, she has a set of Baseball Tarot Cards for me. I was intrigued because I know some people who have used Tarot cards as writing prompts, or for meditation.

Now that I have these, I confess I am trying to figure out what I am supposed to do with them. Stay Tuned. This saga will continue. 

SCHOOL:

Tuesday's Class was cancelled. I learned this after driving all the way out there. Given the price of gas these days, I confess I was a little miffed. Verry little notice - a 4P.M. email. 

GENERAL MOOD

I confess that my mood has been on the lower side lately.  I little bit. improved the past couple of days but I've not been swinging on the Joy chandelier of late. I miss the more joyful times and look forward to when I might realize them again. 

THE GOOD AND THE. BAD

This week I had a rejection letter and a letter telling me I have a poem that has been long-listed in advance of the submission deadline by a journal.  I have never heard of such a thing before, but given the editor's email, I confess I am happy with what was said about my work. 

That's it for now...  Be safe and see you next time

I Have Neglected This Site for Too Long

I've neglected this site for too long.  It is not that I haven't been posting,  I've been doing so on my regular - Poetry Web Site. 

It's hot today. Frankly, it is a miserable day. I hate to be so direct about it, but I want to be upfront. I may be back to posting here after a significant stint of missing in action, but this is my site and I get to choose the topic and tone. 

This blog has had a long run. I could shut it down and say well done. I could but I am not going to. 

I could say that I'm back and you will see me daily from here on out but I am not about to make that commitment. What I will say is you will find that I am posting likely weekly. I'm not going to guarantee Tuesdays, but. the Confession Tuesday was for a long time a staple. So I would check Tuesdays or Wednesdays, or you could subscribe to the feed on the sidebar,

NOT A SECRET:

Some people know this but  I will for the sake of broader knowledge make it known that I have gone back to school. Yes, at my age. I'm going back to finish something I should have done long ago but did not for numerous reasons. 

SUBMISSIONS:

Lest you think, since I have been neglectful here,  I have been lazy about writing and. submitting poetry.  Well consider  these stats:   

	POETRY
Pending Submissions:	96
Sent Past 12 Months:	232
Sent This Month:	7

 THE GRIND:

For something like 11 months, I have been participating. in The Grind. A group of people who write daily and post their drafts of material for the group to see. It is not about critiquing work but rather being accountable. It has allowed me to turn out more work.  Of course, not every day is the work publishable, but some can be with a little editing. 

MOOD: 

My mood is best described as non-congruent. It is hot (did I say it was summer?) and frankly has been a miserable day.  I did have a very good lunch,  But right now I am pretty bummed, 

The thing about being down is you can sometimes write some pretty good work when you are down. On the other hand, when you are down it is often in tandem with others. 

MARY KARR - Poet and Memoirist 

"None of us can ever know the value of our lives or how our separate and silent scribblings may add to the amenity of the world if only by how radically it changes us one by one." 

AWP - Most interesting Panel AWP 22

 The most fascinating panel session at AWP22 to me was  ERASURE POETRY: Ethics & Best Practices.

Srikanth Reddy, Kristina Darling, and Sam Taylor were presenters. 

My second favorite Panel was THE COLONEL: Thirty Years Later.  A Look at Carolyn Forche's iconic poem set in El Salvador in the lead-up to the Civil War. Claudia Castro Luna, Alexandra Regalado, Yevette Siegert, Maryann Parhizkar, and William Archila engaged in a spirited conversation about the significance of this poem, both today and back at its origin, as well as in the context of a work by an American as opposed to some writings by local or central American writers. 

Make Mistakes

 

Update on Submissions

 November 13,  2021

• New poetry submissions today -  3
• Poetry Submissions for Month  - 8
• Submissions that are outstanding with publishers - 65

Forthcoming in 34 Orchard Fall Edition

 COMING NOVEMBER 10 - FALL EDITION

I am excited to announce that my new poem "Lost and Found" has found a home. Further, I am thrilled because I believe it is one that truly appreciates it. After all, isn't that what every writer wants for his or her work?

~0~

The Journal is 34 Orchard. My poem will appear in the Fall issue release date November 10, 2021.

Kristi Petersen Schoonover, Editor as 34 Orchard writes, "What I love about "Lost & Found" is, on a surface level, its universal message- we've all had days like this. Yet, in the end, it gets turned around, and, on a deeper level, speaks to healing. It's also entertaining and has a little bit of a sense of fun amid the darkness. In Short, "Lost & Found" is exactly what lives at 34 Orchard--visceral work, that illustrates the dark reality of our world; those internal things we cannot talk about. but we all know exist. I believe this piece is going to reach someone, and if you reach at least one person with your fiction, then you've done you job as a writer.

So excited to join the 34 Orchard family

Our Brokenness

 

So many of us, dare I venture to guess,  most of us, are trying. to stand among the life around us, while in some state of brokeness.  It's always important to consider when approaching  even a stranger, that they have something going on in there life that has or is causing them some grief. That there is some major struggle that threatens their very ability to remain upright as they pass us. 

People are always facing something weather it is a personal crisis or something larger in scope. We can't always greatly change the life of everyone we meet, but we can strive to do no damage anyone. If we will remember that  a point of being polite and speaking no ill will to anyone, we may well be that single bright spot for the day for that  person who otherwise may be silently hurting.  

Kindness is my word for the month.  It is also my antidote for Brokenness. 

Pouring Yourself Into

How we need another soul. How we need another soul to cling to, another body to keep us warm. To rest and trust; to give your soul in confidence: I need this, I need someone to pour myself into. ~ Sylvia Plath

Journal Tid Bits

 Miscellaneous lines from journal entries Jan 3 through Jan 9

• The bed is a boat afloat 
• The pain called, is still calling 
• The ceiling is awash / in waves and I listed / alone in the sounds / of a wet inner ear
• [Jan 3,2021] The united States passes 351,000 deaths from Covid-19
• before she died from an influenza / or was it a broken heart /she couldn't remember which
• fine linen on the floor / place set for 3 in the sand box / I bet no one comes
• [Jan 6, 2021] Today electoral votes were counted and certified in Congress but not before a riotous group at Trump's prompting,  stormed the Capitol steps broke through Capital Police resistance to breach the building - and breaking windows and running with American and Confederate flags (what irony) through the building. They finally broke into the Legislative chambers but House and Senate member has been lead out to safety by security. They returned to finish their work in a very late night session. One person is know to be dead. 

Trump supporters storm the Capitol during clashes with police.

Shannon Stapleton/Reuters

Choice of Writing Method

 

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

EVERYONE has their own preference of getting words down on a page.  Mine will vary from time to time and depend upon what the writing is for.  For instance if I am journal writing I like to use a fountain pin. My partiality is a thin nib. I have found over the years that these can be delicate. If they are slightly bent from a drop, they may still write but the flow is not as smooth. When journaling, there is no feeling quite like laying down the words like spreading soft butter across a page. 

My journal goes practically everywhere with me.  That is because my journal serves as a multi-functional book.  It contains periodic (almost daily entries), drafts of writing (most frequently poems), notes from workshops, quotes from passages I've read, etc.  When writing in my journal I like to use Private Reserve Ink - Copper Burst. Against the soft yellow ivory pages it has an almost antique appearance. But if you leaf through my journal you will find that at times there is blue or black ink and it may or may not be from a fountain pen. If it is 

When I start a new journal I'm always conscious of my penmanship. I don't want any crossed out words or messy writing. That will usually last two maybe three days and then its oh hell, and just move on and write. 

When I am ready to work from a draft to refine, that is when I will likely move from the Journal to my Mac Book Air. There might be a couple or more versions in the journal, but getting it to the laptop gives me a better feel for the visual aspect of the work. Visual is real important to me in poetry. I like to see how the words fill up the page or don't.  White space can be as significant as ink. This also allows me to work much easier with line breaks. 

I know people who exclusively write on their computer. If that works for you, by all means do it. The important thing about writing is to create as much comfort as possible. Routine writing is like exercising muscles, and just as important to a writer. You should find what is agreeable to you. That is where good writing start. 

A Late Afternoon Shower

The sky is a negative shadow. We walk hurriedly in avoidance of oncoming rain. Our walk snaps our pant legs in an escalating rhythm breaking into a run the last 300 feet as the rain falls straight downward, hard and fast like it's on steroids. 

July Reading - I Finished Reading The All-Night Sun by Diane Zinna

  

During July I read the first novel by Diane Zinna.

You can read my review here

Just finished reading...

This week I finished a chapbook by Jennifer Moore. Smaller Ghosts is a collection of poems in the cento form. Moore is a favorite poet of mine. She previously won me over with her collection The Veronica Maneuver.

Smaller Ghosts is vastly different writing, but then it is a patchwork of lines from other works of writers. It's kind of a fun form. I've never tried it but it is. now on my list of things to do.

I think the success of such a form lies in how well read the poet is who stitched  the lines together into a whole new work.

On another note, I am starting a new book The Familiar Wild On Dogs and Poetry.  This is a book that has gorgeous art work.  An Anthology edited by Rachel Mennies and Ruth Award. I've scanned it already and there is some great work in it. This will be a subject for a future post.

Confession Tuesday Spontaneous Combustion Edition

Dear Friend / Reader:

No baseball has been played. I filled my gas tank once, I watch thousands of protesters on TV. I saw too many fires and broken windows. I watched too many incidents of police swinging clubs at people, pushing to the ground, spraying chemicals at protesters, I grieved for people hurt and those killed. I grieved for families that lost loved ones. I wrote most nights. Failed to get enough walking in, thought about yoga but did none. Grilled BBQ stake. Had a root bear float at work. Wore mask up in public, washed and rewashed my hands too many fucking times. All this and more since my last confession a week ago.

I confess that I do not know what day of the  Covid-19 pandemic its is, I just know we are no where near the end.   Last I saw there were 786 related deaths in Missouri. Nationwide deaths exceed 114,000. I saw today that there are flair ups in Texas and Mexico. People aren't exercising social distancing very well and I totally expect that we will have to go through another shut down.

Baseball is my go-to to pull me out of the winder doldrums and into the spring then summer and it just makes life remind me of poetry and brings comfort. I confess I am struggling for this comfort.

I'm awaiting some poetry books and I'm really bad at waiting for books to arrive. Amazon has spoiled me, but. I do order elsewhere and I still want them yesterday. Is this impatience a sign of a character flaw?

I confess that I have a lot of material that needs attention. Drafts that need to be rewritten. Should I just pick a day of the week that I always work on rewrites?  How do you deal with a pile of work that needs to be rewritten? Do you avoid a pile of it by trying to keep on a piece till you ate ready to call it finished?

Is it wrong to have 22 games of Words with Friends going at once? I'm just asking for a friend, you know.

How many Character flaws make you a character?

When I drove down our street on the way home tonight I saw a black bird large enough to be bigger than Heckle and Jackle combined.

I'll close with a great poem title.  This is from a poet that I am quite fond of.  Spontaneous Combustion: Girl Kissing Bursts into Flames.  That rocking title belongs to Laura Kasischke. I might have to use that as a title prompt to write my own poem from.


Till next time! Stay safe, and be a great Joy & Peace.

Confession Tuesday - from the Shadow

Dear Reader:

It has been one month and 3 days since my last confession. One very long month.  In that time COVID 19 deaths nationwide topped 60,000. Now we are at 104,398.  We are at 773 deaths statewide in Missouri. 

On my last confession, George Floyd was still alive and certainly not a household name. 

On my last confession day, many business establishments around the country were closed down or open to customers under very controlled conditions.  In some cities those same businesses are boarded up, may have burned are spray-painted with graffiti.

I confess that I feel like we are in the shadows right now. I'm not sure if the shadows or the sunlight are a better place to be.

I feel like the shadows kind of protect us. Cater to our innocence, if we still have any.  On the other hand, the sunlight is bright and allows us to see everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I confess that the death of George Floyd was both bad and ugly. It was one of the most gut-wrenching videos I have ever watched. I was sickened. I was angry. I wanted to confront the officers involved and stop them, but we all know that would not have gone well.

I confess that the light shined on this event has had a good side. It had allowed the education of many to what blacks in this country endure routinely. The outpouring into the streets around this country has been a part of a healing process. There has been a beauty to it.  In some instances black people embracing police officers - some standing hand in hand together making a statement that what happened is not acceptable, and we as a country can do better than this.

There is a bitter pill in all this. The people that have taken to destroying property are hurting our country that was already struggling with COVID 19 impact.  These people, do not honor the life of George Floyd. They do nothing to advance the cause of racial harmony. I think some of them may have ulterior motives, but at a minimum, they are not a part of the protest.

I'd like to say that I have positive vibes. Hope, that this will advance the cause of dialogue, and of that conversation, a greater understanding and mutual love and respect will emerge.

I have put a lot of words on pages during this. But sometimes the words don't quite flow easily. Sometimes they are heaped in pile behind a damn that holds them back for fear that they will not be the right words. They will not adequately hold the truths that are needed. That they will fall short like our efforts have done so often all these years.

I confess that  I love our country that I am in love with the idea of our democracy. But I confess that we have not always lived up to what our Declaration of Independence calls us to.  It's a journey and we must all walk that journey together.

Until next time, peace!

Remember - stay safe. COVID-19 is just as real a threat today as it was a month ago.

Writing during Pandemic

Blog Listings

I have gone through the poetry related blogs on this site and removed some that have not been active for a while. Some were very good blogs that I have enjoyed over the years and If I realize they are active again, I will restore them. If you have a poetry blog that is not on here and believe it deserves a listing please drop me a line - Mail to:  Michael Wells

Who Is That Saint?

My mind has compartments like files on a computer. There are sub-files (sub-folders) and sometimes I will make a new folder where an existing one will do perfectly. I call this fragmenting my mental hard drive. Then there are files that it seems are password protected and I haven't a clue. Is there any Patron Saint for this situation?

Confession Tuesday - How Are You?

Dear Friends:

Please don't tell anyone that it's not Tuesday.  It has been God only knows how long since my last confession Tuesday. I admit that I am a fallen-away Tuesday Confessor.  And this is my attempt to make amends.

How are you anyway? You know people often ask that question during the course of a normal day. Passing each other at work (You remember that? You remember work?)  People ask how you are, but I don't think they really want to hear Crappy.  I wonder how many people just brush off the question by saying fine?

I have no idea exactly what C-19 day this is because I'm not sure I know when the counting started.  I have been notified today that the courthouse (are department) will start back on May 18 with numerous protective protocol in place. Our department will not been open per se to the public walking through.

My wife asked me how I felt about this today and after a brief pause, I said fine. It is not that I have not been working all these days, just doing so from home for the most part. There are things about working from home that do make my job a bit more challenging. There is a bit of a fear that lurks ahead in the world out there and I try to tell myself it's okay.  I am enormously thankful to have a job. Some 26 million plus people filing for unemployment. I am indeed prayerful daily for the meany that are through no fault of own, even having trouble just putting food on the table much less deal with other financial matters.

I am torn between my introverted self and my extroverted self. The introverted is the dominant one. And I have not totally  been alone as my wife has been here too. Still, as I go about my day the adjustment to things has not been easy. I don't deny that I am feeling a degree of depression. That is not unusual for me through late winter into spring. It usually lets up about the time baseball gets underway. But I am missing. baseball and that doesn't seem right.  Baseball is for me a metaphor for life and when it fills my heart and mind, I feel like life is alive in all it's fullness.  I also happen to believe that baseball and poetry have a lot in common.

Again, the violet bows to the lily.
Again, the rose is tearing off her gown!   ~ Rumi

I am trying to make more sense of Rumi. He seems to transcend all religions, and speak to all people. We could use more of that. Even in our tragic moments when life is challenged and hinges on the edge of tipping one way or the other, we still have people driven and divided by fear and ignorance. The fear is natural. We all experience it at times. But when fear is fed by ignorance, the results are never good.

Just as I believe Rumi has a lot to offer us to better our life, call me a romantic if you wish, but I still believe poetry matters. I believe we can find our tattered and torn self in poetry. I have been reading Like A Bird of a Thousand Wings, by Melissa Studdard. Her words seem to be taking up residence in my soul.

Self is a place
we keep getting sewn back into.
We fly away.
It sews us back. We tear
the fabric, here comes the needle.
 ~ Melissa Studdard - But Who Will Hear You From So Far Across The Sky?
From Like A Bird of A Thousand Wings.

I confess:

• I have fears today.
• Sometimes my writing doesn't seem good enough.
• I want to run out into a crowd and get lost - but don't.
• I feel guilty for having a job.
• I disappoint.
• Feel pathetic.
• Want to lock myself in a room and shut the world out.
• Feel confused.
• Want to hug someone, want to be hugged. 
• Want to write the next great memorable poem.
• Don't think I will ever complete another poem.
• I want time - It's a commodity I never feel I will have enough of.
• I am an INFP - deal with it!

Until next tine, be safe - Love - Laugh - Peace

 

Don't Come Any Closer - Here, Have Some Virtual Love - X O

These are difficult times for us all.  Social Distancing, don't touch your face,  wash your hands while singing Happy Birthday (I've gravitated to Africa by Toto), stay home, and only essential worker go to work.

I fall into an in-between category.  Our office is having us work from home and therefor I am 90% at home.  My work is essential, but can be accomplished at home except for periodic court hearing. Those I go to the courthouse for. It's like a ghost town. Court hearings are generally with about 5 to 7 people. The respondent is on a Polycom along with other testifying witnesses.  These could occur daily, but tend to be a couple to three days a week. Sometimes there are more than one on a given day. So, I am otherwise sheltering at home.

I have had more time to write, to read, and binge watch Homeland.  Claire Danes and Mandy Patinkin are phenomenal actors. I haven't binge watched anything in several years.

There has been more time to think as well. That includes paranoid thoughts about Covid-19.  About after the curve is flattened, how many people will still be contagious and for how long. I for one don't see this danger ending for months not weeks.

Having more time to think is positive only if I can expand my thinking in positive and creative ways. I try to note things in particular that could be incorporated into my writing.  In regular real life, it is not uncommon for me to let significant but fleeting thoughts pass on to wherever such neurons go to die.

Social media has done two things in these times. It has allowed us to stay connected while we are apart. It has also made such interaction seem at times a little more intrusive. Online, everybody is there.  On balance the scale tips more to the good than the bad.

I see people (poets I know that do some collaborative or group writing.  There is a part of me that is jealous, and I'm not one to see jealousy in a positive light, so I don't want to be that poet.  There are a couple of people I may touch base with and see if they would like to meet on Facetime or Skype. It's a thought.

A concern I have is for the most vulnerable of people. Person on the street.  Persons who live alone but may still get out and about. Persons who could retreat inside and succumb to the illness and have no one checking on them.  I too am concerned for those who trot off to church totally ignoring social distancing in the belief that they are safe by the blood of Jesus.  I can applaud their faith but not  their actions. God gave us a brain and I'm pretty sure he counted on us using it.

Covid-19 will be talked about, written about, and debated about for a long time. Some have suggested it to be on the scale of 9-11. I have considered this, but we have passed the deaths attributed to the Twin Towers attack. Additionally, this is international. Its impact is going to be far and wide. I could not bring myself to write a 9-11 poem for years.  I wrote a Covid-19 poem that has already been accepted.  There will be anthologies as there were for Katrina.  I'd like to see one to raise money to help in some way.  It just seems like a poet thing to do. 

Burn The Beauty - Elizabeth McCrorie

Burn The Beauty

© Elizabeth McCrorie 

Published: July 2008

One does not own beauty.
One creates it.
In their dreams,
They feel they can obtain it.

All alone, in a dark night's
rest.
All their thoughts...
Lifeless.

Cursed by change
Hidden by lies,
Running from the truth.
Beauty now dies.

They don't understand.
They don't really care.
Beauty now burns
Smoke in the air.

Years go by,
And age seeps in.
Beauty's worn out,
Life is giving in.

Death creeps up,
Beauty now cries.
You're all alone
In your beautiful lies!

Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/burn-the-beauty

Hold Fast to Your Dreams

Dreams 

Hold fast to dreams 
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly. 

Hold fast to dreams 
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field 
Frozen with snow. 



By - Langston Hughes

Entering Culturally Dark Days Ahead.

Please do not misunderstand my purpose for writing  this post, It is in no way intended to make light of the health danger posed by the outbreak of Covid-19. The risk poses an  incredibly real danger to the population at large, and that includes you and I.   Epidemiologists tell us that the number of positive cases will double every 6 days. That kind of growth rate is nothing short of frightening. 

Unquestionably, this will have tremendous impact on our society - at least for the short term. The nation and indeed the world economy is already being taxed tremendously by it, and the impact on markets, businesses, schools, transportation, hotels, and anything that involves people coming together in groups and close quarters is being felt.

NBA, NHL, MLB, March Madness are all being impacted because the crowds in such venues would provide easy pathways to transmission.   Seeing all the various sports canceled leaves me wondering about how how married couples are going to deal with. this void. They may have to actually talk to each other.

It was during evening drive time I was thinking what a hit culture in the country is taking a hit. I know for example our symphony is canceling events. I assume theaters are as well. So too I would think that local poetry readings are being canceled. I certainly will not be making the rounds and this is sad but the right thing to do.

In an effort to keep poetry before the public during this dark period, I plan to share on social media some of my favorite poets and poems. The same with music.  It is at times like these we most need poems and music to speak to our soul. I hope others will do the same.

In closing I would encourage people to rely on the CDC as well as state and local health departments for information concerning issues related to your own health.  Please keep in mind it is important to consider your own health, but those you come in contact with.  Even if you have a mild case, realize you may be placing others with high risk factors in serious danger.

So How Is My AWP Coming Along - You Ask?

Yes, thanks for asking.  I have a fair amount of new reading material. Later I will go into details.

You may have heard that AWP has found itself competing with Covad-19.  I began hearing some talk a week ago about the outbreak (which seemed minimal at that point in the US), but was certainly on radars.  Like most other writers I followed the latest CDC news and yes, even the largely suspect White House information.

On March 2nd it was announced that the Board would be issuing a statement on the conference.

By the 3rd, I was aware there were 11 confirmed cases somewhere in Texas.  AWP Board Members were in contact with CDC and the Mayor's office.  A The word was they were moving conference the size of AWP is certainly a financial  liability and asset at the same time.  In Portland last year I believe there were between 14,000 and 15,000. The thousands of exhibitors and time commitments by staff and even members is no small matter. Writers plan way in advance for panels, onsite and offsite readings, and there are an array of big name speakers.

The day before the event opens there is news that the Board of directors painstakingly ruled to move ahead with the event. I have to tell you, writers, AWP members, are social animals. It was suggested that while the conference was moving forward it was with the caveat to caution to curb the greeting enthusiasm.  Such recommendations as loud enthusiastic greetings, no handshakes, hugs, or customary embarrass. Blown kisses only. Thoughtful nods. Wash hands regularly. Use hand sanitizers often. Keep your hands off your face, nose, eyes, you get the drill here - curb the socialization as much as possible.

But when the word can down that the event was a go,  the board indicated that those who were coming could have their financial investment in AWP#20 applied to AWP#21 in Kansas City next year.  In addition,  this tweet was sent out by Diane Zinna one of the co-directors of the conference:

Diane Zinna  @DianeZinna. Mar3  I am broken-harted, but I resigned from AWP this morning over the decision to hold  the conference. I will always love. this community and ask that you please be kind to the board and tiny staff, people who are working so hard and believe in you.

Diane is a very special person to many of us. She created the Writer-to-Writer mentoring program. I am an alumni of the Spring 2017 Session. She has nurtured the program and all of us along the way.  This hit me very hard.

Still, I was preparing to leave at 5:45 in the morning. Besides packing, people that know me well, know that I would be would be up all night, watching Super Tuesday returns.  Those that don't know me well won't  understand this.  But I rolled out of here at 3:00 a.m. for the airport dead tired, but trying to be upbeat.

I should have known it would be a bad morning when I parked in the econo-parking and caught the tram to the terminal. I realized I had left my glasses in the car.  Inside I bought a pair of single vision. to get me through everything, checked my bag and ultimately boarded to the Conference.

I had known for days now that many of my friends were opting not to go. While waiting for my boarding I sifted through a number of Facebook and Twitter feeds.  More were deciding not to go. Oh, I had some friends already there and I rationalized this would give me an opportunity to meet new people (which is always one of my goals).  Then I saw that many of the presses were pulling out and that they were organizing an online or virtual book fair offering some of the normal conference discounts through Sunday.

I can't tell you the last time I flew and had a whole row to myself. I got my own row on the flight to Dallas where I would have a short layover and then on to San Antonio. This would have been great but the whole flight I was hot and the overhead blower was not helping.  My ears popped and I felt miserable.  My anxiety increased. Yes, I thought about. my age, and diabetes as placing me at a higher risk if I contracted Covid-19, but I hd been over that rational for days. What I was really starting to fear was getting to the conference and finding that it was a shell of what it should be.  That some of the panels that were important to me had been canceled and God knows how many more would before it was over.  On the layover I had tweeted some of my friends there already and they all had friends that opted out - pretty much said everyone was choosing to be non-judgmental. If you fell you needed to be there, it's your call. If you feel this one is not for you same. People said they would miss me but life goes on.

There was still the matter of my reading Saturday, and the hotel reservation. I called my wife and  decided to convert my return ticket and fly  home.  I made the other calls to clean up the remaining conference details and was back in Kansas City  later in the afternoon.

So my day today has been busy writing. Following details of conference. A hand full of things are being live streamed. Working on some ideas, and virtually shopping at the book fair. (which requires real money)

So here is what I have coming  as far as new reading material. Some are supposed to be here by tomorrow evening, a couple are new releases for later in the month.

1. Fieldnotes on Ordinary Love by Keith S. Wilson
2. Soft Targets by Deborah Landau
3. Father's Day by Matthew Zapruder
4. I Live in the Country and other Dirty Poems by Arielle Greenberg
5. In the Lateness of the World by Carolyn Forche
6. Like a Bird with a Thousand Wings by Melissa Studdard
7. Partial Genius - Prose Poems by Mary Biddinger
8. Slide to Unlock by Julie E. Bloemeke
9. The Long White Cloud of Unknowing by Lisa Samuels  

That's the book purchases so far.

By the way - I am especially. happy with my writing so far today.   

Will catch a livestream of the Keynote address this evening. 

The one thing you cannot replicate besides seeing friends, is the swag. I will miss the #W2W Reception and the swag. 

It's Coming - AWP #20 blogging

The annual AWP writers conference is coming at us with the speed of an asteroid. The annual event brings together writers of all genres from across the U.S. and beyond.

AWP #20 will occur in San Antonio, starting on Wednesday the 4th. I can confirm that I have already experienced a bit of the typical anxiety associated with the pilgrimage.  Each year there are generally 12,000 or more in attendance. If I recall correctly there were like 14,000 last year in Portland.

I have somewhat introvert tendencies, although at times I may break free of the chains. As long as I am able to retreat and recharge from time to time, I can deal with it.  For me the stressor are being away from home, being in the midst of a crushing mob (slight exaggeration),  meeting people I am in awe of and being fearful I appear to be a complete goofball, and meeting complete strangers and feeling. my first impression (and lasting one) totally sucked. It is my hope to report/blog from the conference maybe a couple of times a day.

WHY EVEN GO?  Good question.  I think it has to be personal for each attendee.  For some it is seeing friends that you may see only once or twice a year.  Or it could be meeting  publishers.  Crisscrossing the book fair (always enormous) in search of bargains, newly published material, author signings, or readings. Both onsite and offsite. It could be learning more about the craft at panel presentations, or ideas, learning about marketing or working with publishers, agents, etc.

This year, I am focusing  on a couple aspects of craft. Seeing some friends, attending some readings and doing a reading myself. I want to springboard from the conference into a greater energy in my writing. I have a manuscript I am trying to finish and this could help push me over the finish line.

I always make a list of those I hope to see. Some for the first time. Some friends I'd like to hang out with for a bit.  It's a challenge to see how many of these people I  can catch up with given  because everyone has their own schedule and we often become like ships passing in the night.

THE  THING THAT IS DIFFERENT THIS YEAR:

There is something  looming overhead as we head to San Antonio. So much talk of the coronavirus has added a new level of anxiety. So many questions about how ready we are for an outbreak in the U.S. have created a legitimate concern.  I am impressed with AWP leadership for tracking the CDC daily and reporting on efforts to proactively implement ways to make the conference as safe as possible.

AWP has been tweeting messages like this-  Fewer handshakes, more smiles, louder greetings, thoughtful nods! At #AWP20, we’re in close communication with the conference center & City of San Antonio, & watching news fm CDC closely. We’re increasing hand sanitizing units and will have Lysol wipes in every meeting room.

I have a reasonable level of confidence that all will go well, but this is in large part because I believe the leadership of the conference is doing what it can to protect us all.  I have way more confidence in their leadership on this than I do the federal government.


Anyway, I am busy getting ready this weekend. Hopeful San Antonio will be a great conference. I am a veteran of 4 previous conferences - this will make 5.

Looking for the Good

It's Sunday evening and there are so many things I could have done today that I didn't.  I didn't send any notes to anyone for no reason than just to say hi. I did not go outside and take a walk, looking up at the clouds or tree tops.  Other than to get out and drive to yoga, I went no place else.  I read maybe 4 or five poems this morning. I journaled around 2:30 a.m. when my mind raced, chased by anxiety throughout the house. 

A number of things have rolled through my mind throughout the day.  Why I am not writing this very moment?  What should I or could I write about. Where is my muse? Where. has she been - I've not seen her for a very long time.

Cathy came home from work today sick and she is heavy on my mind because I recently went through a stretch of being sick with some upper respiratory sickness that really kicked my butt.  I don't want her to go through the same thing.  I offered her  as my intention for my yoga practice today.  She is resting now, and that is likely what she needs most.

Earlier in the day, I was thinking. a lot about the upcoming AWP conference. I always get  anxious as it gets closer.  I will likely have bouts of anxiety daily between now and the time I leave.  Also, on my mind today. is Ash Wednesday that is approaching. What will I give up for lent? Will I give up anything?  Will I substitute some proactive thing to do instead?

It warmed up quite a bit today and that seems heavy on me in that I missed lots of opportunity to see the beauty in things.  I bet my muse was out taking in nature. I'm like, Bitch where are you? She be like, where you should be.

Two final thoughts,  I watched the Mr Rogers movie, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood this week (this may be the subject of a full post later).  There was also a few lines shared with us a Yoga tonight about leaving the small fights for small fighters. These two things are centering. They are simple but challenge me to think good thoughts, positive thoughts.

With that, I'm going to sign off a write a bit because it's barely 8:30, and because I can.

The Order of Species and Poets

One morning this week (the exact day escapes me) I walked out to my car to leave for work and there were 4 of these creatures across the road grazing. They of course stopped and gave the look that says, Why are you all up in our business? There was also a woodpecker nearby pounding on a tree. This area is loaded with various critters. More often than not, they are blended into the surroundings.  For example, both in the evening, and even early morning hours there is a whoo-hoo  whoo-hoo.  This has been going on for a couple of months and I'd love to get my eyes on the Owl, but it hasn't happened yet.


As it started getting colder I started putting out suet for the birds. They are evidently quite pleased as I have to had to replace the suet every week and a half to two weeks. It's not in the best place for me to keep a casual eye on it without my interest being compromised. I may have to move it, if I am going to get any pictures or even good observation with. the naked eye.


If we surrendered to earth’s intelligence we could rise up rooted, like trees.  - Rainer Maria Rilke

Nature has a poet's patience about it. Or, at least the presence poets should ascribe to. I try, really I do, but dammit  I really want to see that owl. 

I think man's relationship with nature has been long out of tilt. We have relied so much on it, too much I believe, and now the realization that we have unknowingly for years been withdrawing  too much from the natural bank account of this planet earth. Our very survival demands we are better stewards of our planet. Our ultimate strength is rooted like the trees in the dark of earthen soil. We must be co-habitants with nature. 

I drive onto the highway and head downtown. The skyline like a prism reflecting the sunlight rising in the east. Glass panels, concrete, metal girders, reflective spires all twinkling ahead. Yes, man's marvels. But, somewhere there is a strip mine. Somewhere, countless acres of forest have fallen in the name of progress. Paved streets and parking lots.

Gone are the Reunion Ibis, the the Black-Backed Bittern, Reunion Night-Heron and a slew of other bird species. In the past half-century there has been a 29% decline in birds in the U.S. and Candida. Once we lose birds, insects and other animals are impacted. So too is plant life. Some of this is not doubt related to climate change and migration disruption. 

Poets could do a whole anthology of elegies to birds who are no longer with us. 

Patiently, I await the sight of the owl that serenades me morning and night.   

2020 BLUEPRINT

“Remove ‘shoulds’ from your vocabulary this year. Start your journey of self-love now.” —Kelly Martin

2019 and the whole decade that it represents is finished. What is left is smoldering memories. Some of them are good but most represent average or worse elements of my life. 

Mid-day today I attended a workshop at Core Balance Yoga that was nearly mat to mat in the studio. There were 23 of us and the instructor and we might have scrunched one more yogi in a cover but that would be it. There was a glitch in the software that allowed more than the limit to sign up on line. It happened so it must have meant to be. We made it work. 

The session was a 90 minute combination of yoga, guided meditation and journaling exercises designed to lead each of us to what would become a personal guiding word for 2020. The logic was that we can easily shed a resolution by screwing up and then feeling we have failed move on leaving it behind.

Out of my session, there were a series of words that flowed out of my journaling and meditation and the more meaningful ones came down to fulfillment, focus, vision, and authentic.  I have not as of this moment centered in on one word. Kristin, our instructor said some people actually use a couple or three words to carry with them throughout the year. I would like to minimize this as much as possible. 

Even prior to today's event, I have been thinking about the symbolic nature of 2020 and perfect vision. Working through dreams and hopes, I've been pointed to manuscript completion. Challenges to improve / perfect yoga practice. Achieve publication from a list of tougher reputation Journals or Reviews.

I already know that I have improve my own self worth, be guided by gratitude, and embody love of self and others. The past couple of years, truth has come to mean anything and nothing. In 2020, truth has to mean more to me. It has to reflect in me the embodiment of authenticity.  Being real, honest and genuine. 

So, I don't really have a resolution of sorts, but I see developing a roadmap or blueprint of something akin to a guiding light. I'm ready for a year that glows with joy, peace, art, fulfillment, and support of others.